Sanna writes ... 2

Encounters with Policemen

A constant feature of travelling throughout West Africa is police checkpoints, army checkpoints, customs checkpoints and immigration checkpoints. Every time you enter a town you have to stop at one or other and sometimes all four which can take anywhere between 2 minutes and half an hour. On a hot dusty day, after hours of driving over potholes, remaining serene and unruffled can prove challenging! We have found that these encounters fall into 3 different categories, but all start in similar fashion:

Jonnie (usually) driving along tooting at passersby amid a chorus of local children hailing our arrival with cries of ‘toubab’ (from colonial times when children asked for two bob – now means tourist or white person – to which Jonnie usually replies in wolof ‘mofingo’ meaning ‘black person’ to general hilarity although mostly Jonnie’s). I spot a POLICE HALTE sign and we desperately start scanning the surrounding area for (a) any sign of a policeman; (b) the exact spot in the road we are supposed to stop (very important not to exceed this imaginary line) and (c) small children and goats who are venturing too close to the wheels.

After a moment or two of indecision (and feeling slightly stupid for having sat in the middle of the road for no apparent reason other than to entertain the amused onlookers), we happily think we’ve avoided an encounter when a policeman appears and ambles up to the passenger window. After recovering from the double surprise of seeing a lady on the driving side and then discovering there is no steering wheel on the left the policeman commences…

Friendly Policeman
Policeman: Hello, how are you?
Jonnie: ‘Fine, how are you?’
Policeman: ‘Fine, you are well?’
Jonnie: ‘Very well, thank you and you?’
Policeman: ‘Yes, yes fine. Where are you from?’
Jonnie: ‘England’
Policeman: ‘Ah England’ (knowingly) ‘Good good’ (we smile encouragingly).
Policeman looks at my watch.
Policeman: ‘I like your watch.’
Sanna: ‘Thank you. I like my watch.’
Policeman: ‘Give me your watch.’
Sanna: ‘No, I need my watch’
Policeman: ‘No, no, I need your watch.’
Sanna: ‘But it is my watch.’
Policeman: ‘But I want it.’
Sanna: ‘So do I.’
Policeman: ‘Well give me a beek.’
Jonnie: ‘A beek? What is a beek?’
Policeman: ‘A beek!’
Jonnie: ‘A beek?’
Policeman: Yes! A beek. You know, a pen, a beek.’
Jonnie: ‘Ah, a Bic!’
Policeman: ‘Yes, yes, a beek.’
Jonnie: ‘Sorry, we have no Bics.’
Policeman: ‘Ok, nice to meet you. You can continue.’
Inexplicably and happily waves us off.

Disgruntled Policeman
Policeman: ‘But why did you not stop?’
Jonnie: ‘We did stop.’
Policeman: ‘Yes, but you stopped here, why did you not stop there?’ (pointing two metres back)
Jonnie: ‘Because we thought the stop was here.’
Policeman: ‘No, it is there!’
Jonnie: ‘Shall I reverse?’
Policeman: ‘Yes! Reverse!’
Jonnie: ‘No problem.’ (Jonnie reverses 2 metres)
Policeman: ‘Now come forward’ (we pull forward) ‘Where are your papers?’
Sanna: ‘Which papers would you like?’
Policeman: ‘All your papers.’ (we hand over the numerous documents required)
Sanna; ‘All ok?’
Policeman: ‘Where is my cadeau?’
Jonnie: ‘Cadeau?’
Policeman: ‘Yes, my cadeau?’
Jonnie: ‘Sorry, we only speak english’
Policeman looks hopefully inside the car.
Policeman: ‘No cadeau?’
Jonnie: ‘No’
Policeman: ‘Your steering wheel. It is on the wrong side. That is illegal!’
Jonnie: ‘It’s a British car – right hand drive.’
Policeman: ‘Yes, but you are in Africa. You must drive with the steering wheel on the left.’
Jonnie: ‘That is not possible. Our steering wheel is on the right.’
Policeman: ‘So where is my cadeau’
Jonnie: ‘No cadeau – cadeau are for children not for you’
Inexplicably and begrudgingly signals us to move on.

Officious Policeman (in Gambia)
Usual conversation ensues until we hand over our international driving license…
Policeman: ‘But where does it say Gambia in this driving license?’
Jonnie: ‘It’s an international driving license. It covers everywhere.’
Policeman: ‘Do you think I’m stupid? I know what an international driving license is!’
Jonnie: ‘Of course.’
Policeman: ‘So where does it say Gambia?’ (we frantically search for anything that says Gambia and produce our insurance)
Policeman: ‘But that is not to do with me, that is for customs. I don’t want that document. Where does it say Gambia in this document?’
Jonnie: ‘It doesn’t.’
Policeman: ‘Why not?’
Jonnie: ‘Because it is international’
Policeman: (raising his voice) ‘Do you think I’m stupid? I’m the lieutenant of this police post. I know what I’m talking about and you are committing an infraction!’ (he looks back at his 5 minions sitting under the tree and watching with interest)
Jonnie: ‘We’re very sorry.’
Sanna: ‘You’re a very important policeman’
Policeman: ‘Yes, I am a good policeman. What should I do?’
Jonnie: (hopefully) ‘Nothing?’
Policeman: ‘And what would your police in England say if I did nothing. Would they think I was doing my job properly?’
Jonnie: ‘Yes?’
Policeman: (now almost squeaking with outrage) ‘No! They would not think it was right. You must have a fine.’
Jonnie: ‘We have no money’
Policeman: ‘Well you must go to court.’
Sanna: ‘Ok, we’ll have to go to court then.’
Policeman: ‘You will have to wait for the judge.’
Jonnie: ‘No problem’
Sanna: ‘When we go back to England we will tell them that the international driving license is wrong. We will speak to the RAC so they know in future.’
Policeman: ‘Well you are wasting my time with this driving license. I know what it is supposed to say.’
Jonnie: ‘Shall we continue then?’
Policeman: ‘Yes, yes. Go! Continue!’
Inexplicably allows us to go in flurry of disgusted head shaking.

Generally though we experience the first scenario more often than not. The police, army, customs and immigration are very friendly (see pic 2), and are more interested in having a chat. Recently they have started calling me ‘boss lady’ which I thought was a nice touch (and Jonnie thought was appropriate), but have since found out they call everyone ‘boss lady’ so less impressed. In reality the divisions are more along the lines of Pilot / co-Pilot and Chef/ Sous Chef and I’m not sure I’ve got the best end of the deal!